It’s my last year in my twenties, and I feel freaking insane. It’s not necessarily a good or bad feeling, it’s more of a confused feeling. How did I get here so fast, and why don’t I feel more different?
I’ve been thinking this week a lot about the phrase young at heart. As you get older, do you ever actually become a different person? Like, an adult? Or do you just slowly turn into a wiser, more well-rounded and grown-up version of the same person? I used to to think that at some point, around this time in my life, actually, that some kind of light switch would flip and POOF I’d suddenly be through with all childish things and not even recognize the old Hilary, but that’s not what happened at all. I’ve really realized that you only have to be as old as you want to be.
Your body is obviously going to change, but you get to decide how old your heart gets. I don’t feel 29 all the time. When I’m paying my bills on time or putting money into my savings, I feel 36. When I’m going to $3 happy hours with my roomie on a Tuesday night, I feel 22. When I’m chasing Patsy around the kitchen island, I feel 11. When I’m cooking a heart-healthy dinner with Brent and going to bed at 9pm, I feel 60.
So, anyway, I have some things I’ve learned during my 29 years on the planet, and I thought I’d share them with you on my birthday.
#1 You Don’t Know Everything.
I learned this during my time at UT Austin. I was from a small town, so when I was suddenly immersed into situations I’d never been in and surrounded by so many different kinds of people, I realized quickly that there is a huge world out there and A LOT that I didn’t know. Getting to know people of different cultures and backgrounds than myself made me think twice before making judgements about someone I just met. Everyone has a different story and assuming anything about someone I don’t know is not only mean, but ignorant.
#2 Don’t Worry About What You Can’t Control
I have to say this to myself all the time, and it really can’t be said enough. Unless there is immediate action you can take to change something you are stressed about, there is no reason to worry! It’s just worrying in place of something more productive you could be doing with your mind. I remember when I was applying for a job when I was living in Austin and it took them 2 weeks to get back to me and the entire two weeks all I did was worry. I couldn’t sleep, I checked my email 20 times a day, and was completely consumed in not letting life go forward until I found out if I got it. Well, I didn’t get it. In that time, I could have been applying for other jobs as a back up or been just living and enjoying my days, but I ended up basically wasting 2 weeks of my life and growing probably about 10 new gray hairs. Take action when you can, but if you can’t, just keep living.
#3 There’s a Way to Stand Up For Yourself Without Being a Jerk
If you’re like me, you spent most of your life being too afraid to rock any boats. I’d never send back food, tell my hairdresser I didn’t like my new cut, or ask for money when it was owed to me. Now, after I’ve been through a little more life, I’ve learned the difference between standing up for myself and being a total jerk. Like, when the kennel let Patsy get severely injured on a Friday and didn’t tell me until I picked her up on a Sunday, I FREAKED, meaning I sternly told them they would be responsible for her vet bills and that was it because the person working the front desk wasn’t the person who hurt her. I witness way too many encounters where people are treated like absolute garbage by someone who thinks they’re above human decency, and it just makes me crazy. Be kind.
#4 Be Selfless More Often
As the youngest child, I definitely have selfish tendencies. I have a terrible habit of only giving to people what I get in return, and if I’m giving more than they are, I feel mistreated or taken advantage of, and it’s just silly. After being around a few truly selfish people in my life, I try really hard to recognize when someone is using me or when someone cares about me but they’re just not on their game that day. Finding the people you really care about and selflessly giving them all your love/support/help without caring what they give you in return can be a magical feeling.
#5 Talk to Yourself Like You Talk to Your Best Friend
Think about that friend who gives you all the warm fuzzy feelings. The one person you would help hide a body or spend a whole week in a small room without wanting to die. How do you talk to them? Do you tell them they’re lazy, or fat, or stupid, or selfish? NO WAY. They can walk on water as far as you’re concerned. You think everything about them in flawless. So why can’t you talk to yourself that way? I definitely struggle with this, but over the past year I have made an effort to give myself mental pep talks whenever I feel those ugly words about myself starting to fill my brain. If you don’t love yourself, trust me, you are missing out on a lot of sunshine that could be filling your day instead of dark, sad clouds dimming your sparkle.
#6 It’s Okay to Be Yourself
When I was younger, my family had a joke that I lived in Hilaryland: “population 1, not counting the bunnies.” They loved my day-dreaming ADD personality that had a crazy imagination and a positive outlook on life, but as I grew up, I was faced with a lot of people who took that as being naive or stupid. I tried to act more serious and hide the parts of myself that seemed silly, and over the years it got so exhausting trying to appear like a more put-together version of myself. As I got older, I decided to embrace the things that made me ME and not care if they came across a certain way to people who didn’t know me because the people who do know me know exactly what I have to offer. I truly believe that most people are much too complex to be nailed down during a first encounter.
#7 Be More Self-Aware
This maybe should have been before #6, because you have to be self-aware to be yourself. Have you figured out who you are? What makes you tick and why? Why you do this or that when you’re sad? How to make yourself more motivated? Why you and certain personalities mesh or don’t? Becoming more self-aware is one of keys to truly being happy with yourself. How can you be happy if you don’t even understand why you are the way you are? Going to counseling or even just taking an online Enneagram test can be so eye-opening. It can help you discover things like the kinds of people you should surround yourself with, what actions you need to do to successfully self-motivate, how to be a better partner, or how to be less sensitive or critical of yourself.
#8 Just Live
I think we are all guilty of getting caught up in the craziness of life. We plan and prep for the next step in life without enjoying the one we’re in, and our lives zip away right before our eyes. There’s always going to be a new chapter to prepare for, but that doesn’t mean we have to ruin the one we are in by worrying about the next one. Life is happening RIGHT NOW. You get to choose how you spend every second, and if you aren’t enjoying it, what makes you think you’ll enjoy the next one any more?
Chill. Breath. Just live.
